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January 13, 2010

I'm Not The Resolutionary Kind (Jan. 3, 2010)

The original intention of this blog was to state my resolutions for the new year. To tell you the truth, I don't really agree with resolutions. Especially if you plan on starting them January 1st. Who actually sticks to them for more than a month anyway? I guess some people do, but they're definitely not the norm.
I purposely started my weight loss program before the holidays and before the new year.
In previous years, I would write out my ridiculous little list. It was always FAR too ambitious and typically looked something like this...
1. Lose 100 lbs.
2. Go to the gym every day for at least 2 hours
3. Journal every day
4. Call my mom every day
5. Floss twice a day
6. Volunteer at the soup kitchen every day on the way home from the gym
7. Run a marathon
8. Bring peace to the world
9. Get The Smiths back together
10. Write my memoirs

I would do great for the first month or so. Then I'd get lazy or something would come up, preventing me from fulfilling my daily duties. One by one, my resolutions would dissolve into thin air. I couldn't just revise my list and start over again tomorrow. The year was ruined!
So, I'd settle back into my regular routine, re-introduce my butt to the couch and wait again until next year. Dumb.
It always made me feel like a failure and I'd slip into a funk. WHY am I so weak willed? WHY can't I stick to my goals? Beating myself up always included a calorie fest and a whole lot of inactivity.

Which makes me think of something that happened recently...
My husband has smoked cigarettes off and on for the last decade. All of his friends smoke, so he'll bum a few here and there. After a while he'll break down and buy his own pack. He knows I hate when he smokes and feels slightly guilty for doing so. I gave him "the eye" sometime last week when I saw him pull a pack out of his pocket, but didn't say anything because it's his health after all. As he lit up, he said "This is my last pack, I swear. Only two cigarettes left in the pack."
I thought that if he threw out the last two cigarettes and stopped right then and there, he would prove to himself that he was serious about stopping. Why does he have to smoke the last two, knowing that he plans on quitting?

I've been on SparkPeople now for more than 15 weeks now. In that time, I've lost more than 30 lbs. Eating within my range is now second nature to me and the cravings for fatty foods are pretty mild. I'm not saying this will always be true. I'm just REALLY tired of not being happy with my weight. I am FINALLY truly ready. I'm not giving myself a chance to go back to the way things were. It's no longer an option. It doesn't take hours a day in the gym or eating twigs and berries. It can be done simply by making wise choices and moving a bit each day. If I eat an entire cheesecake because I have a craving I can no longer ignore, then I'll jump right back onto the wagon the next day. It doesn't have to be on a Monday or the first of the month or January 1st. It just has to happen right away.
The weight loss is going to happen, so that is no longer really a "goal" for me. So, instead of a list of resolutions, I've compiled a list of things I look forward to doing in 2010

- Running my first 5k (in Feb.) and possibly my first 10k (later in the year of course)
- Being able to see my feet in the shower
- Seeing the scale read 150 lbs.
- Shopping for clothes in any store besides Lane Giant
- Less back and feet pain

I'm sure that I will be adding to this list over the next few months.
Goals are nice to have, for sure. But since I'm not giving myself a choice to NOT lose weight, it no longer feels like a "goal".

1 comment:

  1. I wish you all the best in your 'un-goals.' It will take a lot of work, but it sounds like you know that...so go for it!